Law, logic and language

Starting with the last mentioned term, bachelor is universally defined in any authoritative dictionary you can lay your hands on as an "unmarried man".

There is a certain logic in the assumption that a whole lot of unmarried men sharing a family-sized villa (which means in the Sandlands a house on its own plot of land with several bedrooms) could be noisy neighbours. And that actual families living in close proximity to a multitude of bachelors could have reasons for complaint.

This has finally resulted in a law. Real estate agents and landlords are forbidden from letting villas (as above described) to bachelors; they shall hence forth rely on apartments for their accomodation. (Or bunks in crowded labour camps, but that's another story. Which Al Jazeera's English channel covered brilliantly a while back.)

As above described the law seems plausible. And yet it would mean that if I still had the income I used to earn in Europe (which allowed me yuppie loft splendour in Cologne), I might well wish to live large Sandlands style in a villa, maybe even with a pool. Being past retirement age I doubt if I would be a raucous neighbour. But, alas, I would be rejected as a tenant on account of the fact that as a divorcee I once again enjoy bachelor status. So be it, I can't afford a villa anyway. Even a flat in Dubai would be onerous and I'm very, very glad I live in Abu Dhabi where prices are still more or less reasonable.

However, let us imagine that the decree nisi was still pending. Here comes the first surprise; a married man whose spouse is not here at his side is deemed in the Sandlands to be a bachelor! This applies even if the gentleman in question has found himself forced to send wife and kids home due to the rising cost of living. He cannot remain in the villa which may have been the family home for years; he is forbidden from sharing it with, for example, his closest friend who has also been obliged to repatriate his family. No sir, verboten!

Can it get any more bizarre? Of course it can, here in the Sandlands. The very same rule applies to females. A bachelor is, in this context, any resident of any gender and any age unaccompanied by a legally recognized consort.

It beggars belief, does it not?

There exist so many ways to solve the purported problem which would be both effective and equitable. For example, linking maximum villa occupancy to the number of bedrooms provided.

But no, an ukase is so much simpler. Never mind that it shows neither respect for the precision of language, redefining the word bachelor to suit purpose, nor an understanding of how people are actually compelled to live in this increasingly inhospitable social context.